Our recent post on the many merits of (fictional) Super Bowl insurance got us thinking: What other sorts of events might be ideal candidates for a tailor-made insurance product?
The first to leap to mind: St. Valentine’s Day!
After all, few days have as much riding on them as Valentine’s Day. It can be a make-or-break for many relationships, with the right moves earning eternal adoration — and the wrong spelling almost-certain doom for even the most ardent paramour.
But what if you could insure yourself against all things unromantic on Valentine’s Day 2012?* That would be a good investment whatever the cost, wouldn’t it? Well, as your insurance experts, we took a few minutes to figure out what Valentine’s insurance might look like if it did exist, which, of course, it doesn’t (sort of like Cupid).
What would Valentine’s Day insurance cover?
In a perfect world, Valentine’s Day insurance would cover you against a wide range of potential disasters, including the big one — that of a broken heart. Valentine’s Day insurance would be flexible, allowing you to customize your policy to guard against a veritable bouquet of potential romantic miscues. Such as …
Forgot Valentine’s Day?
Nobody wants to admit it, but we’ve probably all let a Valentine’s or 2 slip our minds right up to the last minute — or just been plain out of Valentine’s Day ideas. Generally, the response is to call up a florist and hope for lightning-quick delivery while you head out to pick up a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a bottle of bubbly. But with forget-me-not coverage, those days are over!
Forget-me-not coverage would provide you with automatic delivery of your choice of classic ways to say “I love you” to your sweetie. Enter a delivery time and address and kick back and relax, knowing your first move of the big day is under wraps.
Committed a Valentine’s foul?
Valentine coverage would protect you against the worst of all losses: lost love.
Granted, nobody can ensure your love stands the test of time … but Valentine’s insurance could help smooth things over in the aftermath. With ace romance writers penning customized love letters in the clouds or rose petals, this coverage could help you get back in your love’s good graces
Made a minor Valentine faux pas?
Of course, not all Valentine’s mishaps are so dire. Sometimes the big day comes too early in the relationship for stakes to be all that high. Or the problems are of a much milder nature, like burning the homemade pasta or picking the wrong entrée at that fancy French place.
For such low-stakes mistakes, Valentine’s insurance would provide affordable and flexible coverage you could customize on the fly.
Burn the pasta? No problem. Get expedited delivery of a replacement dinner you can still claim as Mom’s own recipe. Bought a nice Burgundy only to find it was corked? Don’t worry — a replacement will be in your hands in minutes.
Lovelorn and lonely?
Of course, not everybody’s lucky enough to have a babe or stud handy for the big day. Don’t panic — Valentine’s Day insurance wouldn’t cater only to the hooked-up. In fact, it could include a lonely bloom option, ensuring you a posse of adamantly anti-Valentine’s party people ready to paint the town … well, not red, but some color … with you.
Optional V-Day mishap coverages
Of course, there’s no way to predict all the catastrophes V-Day can bring. With that in mind, here’s a list of miscellaneous mishaps Valentine’s insurance could also protect you from:
- The overspend (spending way too much on a gift your valentine doesn’t like)
- V-Day blind date (need we say more?)
- Personal hygiene malfunction (having food stuck in your teeth at a fancy dinner)
- Wardrobe anxiety (not knowing what to wear)
- Rom-Com bomb (having to endure a romantic comedy, including anything involving Tom Hanks and/or Meg Ryan)
- Musical torture (the risk of hearing Kenny G)
- Isolation-induced cocoa gorge (eating too many chocolates at home by yourself)
One last tip for anybody suffering the Valentine’s blues this year: even if you think you have the worst Valentine’s Day stories ever, just remember they can’t be nearly as bad as what St. Valentine himself actually endured.
*Esurance does not sell, underwrite, or provide service or claims support for Valentine’s Day insurance. We’re committed to customer satisfaction, but we’re not crazy!