For most people, the start of football season marks a time for renewed hope — hope that your team finally wins it all, hope that your favorite player has a breakout year, hope that your uncle Marv never has another wardrobe malfunction in your living room. But, in the insurance game, we don’t rely on hope. After all, it’s our business to help people prepare for events before they happen. Compared to that, forecasting pro football must be child’s play, right?

Where insurance and football (could) collide in 2015

It’s no secret that we’re fans of technology here at Esurance. What may come as a surprise is that we’re fans of sports too. (Hey, even insurance companies like to have fun.) That’s why we’re proud to partner with the San Francisco 49ers for the second year in a row. And when you join our fan program, Faithful 49, you get the best of both worlds: football and tech.  Learn more.

So, in honor of the current season of unpredictable gridiron goodness, it’s time to find out exactly how well insurance has trained this writer to expect the unexpected. Using nothing but insurance expertise as a compass, I give you 2,015 Sunday moments written in the stars for the 2015 football season.*

1. How much you pay can depend on your ZIP Code

Pigskin prognosis: Expect ticket prices to rise in major hubs like Chicago, Dallas, New York, and Seattle. While in the Bay Area, card swipers and cash registers will simply be replaced by plastic bins where you can deposit your arm and leg.

2. The best things happen in less than 15 minutes

Pigskin prognosis: This season will see a quarterback break the record for most fourth-quarter comebacks in a single year (the current record is 7).

3. It pays to protect the house

Pigskin prognosis: Three teams with highly improved defenses — Minnesota, Dallas, and Pittsburgh — will all make it to the divisional round of the playoffs.

4. Young’uns have a steep learning curve

Pigskin prognosis: Notable rookie QBs in Tampa Bay and Tennessee will fail to start every game.

5. Loyalty is often rewarded

 Pigskin prognosis: After sitting through untold amounts of abysmal football, steadfast Buffalo fans will enjoy their team’s first trip to the playoffs in 15 years.

6. Technology makes things way better

Pigskin prognosis: Anyone who owns one of those fancy curved TVs in my neighborhood should expect me to ring their doorbell right before kickoff (and I call dibs on the recliner).

7. You’re not covered overseas

Pigskin prognosis: Even though its slate of London games will again be quite popular, pro football doesn’t announce formal plans to move a team there anytime soon.

8. But you are typically covered north of the border

Pigskin prognosis: The league throws a wild card at everyone and, instead of Europe, announces plans for a team based in Canada.

9. People need help pinning down complicated terminology

 Pigskin prognosis: We’ll see yet another season where no one is exactly sure what constitutes a “catch” in the league’s rulebook.

10. Coverage follows the vehicle, not the driver

Pigskin prognosis: At least one camera operator every weekend will follow the wrong   player on especially good play-action fakes. BONUS PREDICTION: It’ll continue to really bug your grandpa.

11. The right attire makes all the difference

Pigskin prognosis: At least one of the quarterbacks to reach the Super Bowl will be a glove-wearer.

12. Trouble has a way of finding you when you least expect it

Pigskin prognosis: Excessive end-zone dancing will lead to an untimely injury of a top-tier player.

13. Proper inflation is always a wise idea

Pigskin prognosis: Um, ditto.

14. to 2,014. Preparing for collisions is crucial

Pigskin prognosis: There’ll be roughly 2,000 times when a receiver goes over the middle on a crash course with an opposing linebacker. Have your hands ready to shield your eyes.

2,015. Nothing beats some green

Pigskin prognosis: The Magic 8 Ball in my head tells me the Packers will win it all in 2015. (Let me and my Vikings bias be the first to say … ugh.)

*Before you make any ill-advised wagers on these guesses, please note that I’m the same guy who once predicted brunch would be just a “flash in the pan.” Most of what I say is wrong. Or, at best, negligibly right.

Related links

17 reasons to get Super Bowl insurance

How insurance wisdom could conquer the NBA Playoffs 

Insurance predictions for the Wizard of Oz characters

All the news

about Alex

As copywriter for Esurance, Alex had professional experience in everything from film to literature to (thanklessly!) correcting the grammar in friends' emails. As a fervent Minnesota sports fan, he spends most of his non-writing time gently weeping into cereal bowls.