You’ve seen enough movies to know how it happens. In the first throes of a zombie apocalypse, you find a safe place to hole up — an abandoned farmhouse or your local pub — and wait it out as long as you can. But sooner or later you begin to run low on canned peaches and tuna, the integrity of your fortress is compromised by a persistent army of walking dead, and you discover via blotchy radio signals that there’s a government safe haven 40 miles up the highway. It’s time to move on.
In Hollywood, no one ever seems to be prepared for this inevitable trek, but with a little advance planning … you can be.
Zombie apocalypse survival guide
To help you prepare for a zombie apocalypse, we did a little digging and put together the following list of survival essentials.
- A zombie-proof car. Most people think big when they think of attempting to survive an attack of hungry flesh-eating undead. But based on our in-depth research, which proves that most vehicles are vulnerable once spotted, we’d suggest an electric or hybrid car.
It sounds a little crazy, but think about it. Electric cars are quieter than other cars, which could allow you to sneak out of town unnoticed. Additionally, if you have an electric or hybrid vehicle, you’ll have to stop for gas less often (or never), meaning fewer potentially fatal run-ins with the brain eaters. (Just make sure your battery’s fully charged before the end of the world happens.)
- Water. Enough said. Water is essential for surviving any disaster, and the zombie apocalypse is no exception. Keep a few extra gallons in the trunk.
- Car fresheners. As you well know, zombies can smell your flesh. To avoid being sniffed out and eventually eaten, you might try keeping extra car fresheners in your glove box. A scent like cinnamon apple or pine forest could help you avoid detection (and also work as deodorant for you and your smelly companions).
- A toolbox. More often than not, it seems survival hinges on something as minute as a ¾-inch crescent wrench. Even if you’re not mechanically inclined, be prepared for anything by keeping a well-stocked toolbox in your car. Your tools could also make you more valuable to other survivors, thereby helping you to create the friendships you’ll need to brave the post-apocalyptic world.
- Blankets. Relative safety might be 40 or 400 miles away. Winter, on the other hand, is always just around the corner. Make sure you’re prepared for cold weather by stocking blankets or sleeping bags in your car. In the event that there is no government safe haven, you could always head north for cooler climes. While snow requires survival skills of its own, it also has the benefit of being able to slow the zombies down and could also make them easier to spot.
- Food. With delicious people roaming all over the place, zombies have it easy. For the rest of us, food can become scarce during an emergency. Your zombie survival kit should most certainly include nonperishable food items like trail mix and canned goods.
- A baseball bat. Our best advice for surviving a zombie apocalypse is to avoid zombies at all costs, but as you know, this isn’t always possible. If you should find yourself within arm’s length of your undead foe, you’ll be wise to have some sort of weapon at the ready. While popular opinion varies widely regarding which weapon works best for slaying zombies, for practical purposes, we recommend simply keeping a bat in the trunk. (If you’re an English guy named Shaun, a cricket bat will also do.) And remember, aim for the head.
Not surprisingly, most everything on our list would also be helpful to have in case of any major emergency. So even if (by chance) the zombie apocalypse doesn’t happen, you’ll still be in good shape for the run-of-the mill earthquake or boring ol’ tornado. By being prepared and keeping a well-stocked vehicle, you can be ready for whatever comes your way — undead or not.
Happy Halloween, everyone, and please remember to drive safe.